Here I am on the hospital bed recalling my entire life. I can hear the cries of my parents and my nearest friends but I cannot move or tell them how sorry I was for all the mistakes I made and the people I ever hurt. I belonged to a Muslim family. My grandparents were very religious and always used to advice me to pray five times a day and to be a good Muslim however I took things for granted and never took their advices seriously. My ambition had always been to become a successful business woman with fame, name and money. I considered my grandparents to be old fashioned and since my childhood I dreamt of achieving success. Nevertheless I had been thankful to God for blessing me with good memory and capacity to learn. It was in grade 6 when I came first in class and it was that day I promised myself to work hard in order to get into a good university as I knew my parents weren’t wealthy enough to afford my university fees. With each passing years I could see myself achieving more awards and going away from God. I did not want to be like my parents who thanked God as they were satisfied with their mediocre lifestyle. With time I left my old sincere friends and befriended the girls from popular group in order to gain fame. I remember playing cards with them at the time of Maghreb instead of praying namaz, listening music and dancing late at nights because if I left the game and went for namaz I would be considered odd one and I did not want to be that. My mother always used to tell me that this world is temporary…it is nothing but like our exam. The more we indulge in materialism the more we will go away from God. Life is beautiful if we get ourselves close to God. However I was young, proud and I thought I had plenty of time to Taw bah and everything will get fine in the end. In grade 10, I even took off my hijab because I wanted to be like majority of other girls. I knew I was doing wrong but my evil side forced me to do it. To my surprise I gained even more attention as I looked more beautiful; and made a lot of affluent friends. As I could see my dream of becoming successful come closer I decided never to wear my hijab. Despite the fact that I was good at studies, famous in college and used to win several awards but I had lost my identity of being a good Muslim. Even though I was still a Muslim by name but I did not practice any of the religious activities as I had no time for it. On a quick note, I got into Harvard Business School with hundred percent scholarship and after graduating I got a good job. Where ever I used to go people used to praise me of how multi talented I was except for my parents. My parents were worried about my akhira (the life after death) because even though I might be a good business woman but I was not a good Muslim. I got so busy with my career and success that I had no time for my parents’ advices. Furthermore, over the period of time I became arrogant because I had achieve everything I wanted. It was the last day before I got hospitalized that I became angry at my mom for continuously telling me to do Taw bah rather than praising me on my success. I left the home with anger and I was driving at 150miles/hr to the meeting when my car got hit with the truck .The last thing I remember was my head hitting the stirring and me realizing that my life is over with in the blink of an eye.
Now I am in coma and I heard the doctors saying that my survival chances are 0.5%. My mother is standing near me reciting Surah Yaseen and asking Allah to forgive me. This is time I realized that life is just a temporary journey where we have been sent to become good people. Even though there is Satan encouraging us to do things which are sinful but we should have a strong nafs to control ourselves. I wished I had balanced the world with Deen, prayed Allah and not listened music. I wished I had not taken my hijab off because the people in this world will forget me some time after my death but the punishment I will receive in Hell will be forever. I was blessed to have been born in a religious family but I did not listen them. All the worldly glitter attracted me to commit sins. I remember my grandmother had a smile on her face while she was dying but I am scared…so scared of death. I don’t know what is going to happen next. I wish I had another chance to live where I could become a better person and tell other Muslims of not doing the mistakes that I had performed.
To all my western impressed Muslim friends
Written by: Mehak Ali
P.S. Forgive me for anything I have written wrong.Comments are always welcomed.